I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
