I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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