All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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