We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
