Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
