i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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