get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
