I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
