so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
