I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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