If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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