some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
