You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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