and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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