FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
