booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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