Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
