the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
