She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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