New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
