Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
