just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
