You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize