but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
