I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
