Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Text me some of your sweat
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
