I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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