I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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