We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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