Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
