Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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