i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize