thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
