I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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