Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
