Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize