Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
