That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
