Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
