I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
