So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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