We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
