too bad you live with your parents still
i will never coherently bang her
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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