we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
