I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As shirtless as possible
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
