I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
