She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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