Got a toothbrush?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
