I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
