I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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