there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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