they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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