Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
