All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
