Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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