the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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