I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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