Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
