What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
