I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
