New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
