in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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