you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
