I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
